Your heart is pounding, and your legs won’t move. You want to scream but you can’t seem to make a sound. You body is reacting to the fight or flight mechanism that we all have built in. But there is no bear chasing you. You are simply thinking. What could you possibly be thinking about that causes such a reaction? Your relationship. When your anxiety is causing you the same reaction that we once would have had being chased by a large predator even dating back as far as it would have likely been a sabre tooth tiger, it is perhaps time for you to evaluate the situation.
Signs of Relationship Anxiety, and How to Deal With It
The best way to start is to acknowledge the anxiety and not try to push it away. You’re best to take a step back and figure out is it something about this relationship that is setting you off or is it all relationships in general. There are several reasons that can cause anxiety in a relationship. Often it can be bad experiences in past relationships, a low self esteem or if you tend to question. It can even be caused by your upbringing and the types of attachments you were shown. You may show love a different way to what your partner does, and this might cause you to ask they question if they love you as much or even at all.
You might find yourself constantly worrying that the relationship isn’t going the right way. You might question everything about it and wonder if this is a relationship you even want to be in. If you start to find yourself worrying and stressing more than you are enjoying it then it is likely time to consider taking some action. Try talking with your partner if you can. Perhaps taking note of when you start to get these feelings and if they are a sign the relationship isn’t going right or if it’s a feeling you get no matter the relationship. If it is the latter it might be worth speaking to a professional to try and figure out what is the cause of it and how to help deal with it.
What are you scared of?
There are so many things that you could be concerned about in a relationship. Often our negative inner voice will take over. This can range in thoughts from “I’m not good enough,” to “They can’t be trusted.” You could find yourself wondering if the relationship is even right for you is it moving too fast or too slow. Your negative inner voice is often so much louder than your positive. Just like when people tell you about places, they have eaten they are more likely to tell you a bad experience and complain. It’s part of human nature that the negatives creep in a little louder. Some of these things you might be most concerned about could be a lot smaller than you think. However if there is something that seems to be wrong speak to your partner there could be a perfectly logical explanation and if you keep bottling up all the thoughts you may one day explode and ruin it over something that might not have been a big deal. Take some time and listen to all your thoughts. Sift through the ones that are just that inner voice and try to bring some positive to the front of it all. You may find your concerns aren’t all that much to be concerned about.
How to deal
Having a good line of communication with your partner is one of the most important steps you can take. If you can’t communicate well then, the hope of things lasting long term would be slim. This may help at times when the feelings of anxiety get a little too much. Relationship anxiety can sometimes cause you to sabotage relationships whether you realize it or not. Which can have lasting affects on a relationship if a partner is kept in the dark and has no idea what is going on. When you are feeling that things aren’t going right you don’t want to call it off, but you might find yourself picking fights or not being there completely with the relationship. It can be hard to recognize when you are doing these things, but the best thing is to try and make sure that you’re not causing a tenser environment than you need.
Another great tip is to stay in the moment. Take in what is going on around you and acknowledge your feelings but take it all in and take a deep breath and make sure that the way you are feeling matches the situation. If a single sock on the floor is about to cause you to break down, then there is possibly something other than the sock that is making you feel this way.
Can we fix it?
While there are no guarantees on relationships lasting forever, following these steps and continuing to communicate and get as much information as possible will certainly increase the chances of the relationship going well. If it is not something that you can deal with alone consider a councillor. Many will see couples and if needed you could see one individually. Being honest about what is going on will certainly give your relationship a better chance of survival.